A long time customer and now friend described the closing of the business as an “end of the era”.  In the days since the announcement of the closure I have been overwhelmed by so many kind words like these.  They have filled my heart with much needed bright spots.  It is an end of an era in my life and so many others.

My husband described the feeling of loss associated with closing the business akin to the loss of a loved one.  Another friend described it as my “baby”.  Though I’m sure the grief isn’t as deep as the loss of a loved one, it has definitely been very sad.  It was not only my baby, but it was the whole families baby.

In the early days we would ship our bows in shoes boxes collected from friends and family.  When the kids were still toddlers we would walk with shoe boxes to the post office most afternoons.  When we upgraded to purchased boxes my husband would hand stamp every box with our logo at night after he got home from work.

My kids would spend summers with me in the bow making room at their own table coloring and peeling crayons beside me as I worked.  My father handmade all my ribbon storage shelves and picked up tables off the side of the road for work tables.  Several friends and family members gave me the courage to open up our first location, with a close friend helping me decorate the retail area.

When we moved to our new location a friend’s husband worked alongside mine in the renovations needed to open the new location.  My husband drew up the plans for the walls and the electrical. He took a lot of care in the details of choosing hardware, doors, and moldings. 

I do feel regret for those that helped and gave so much over the years for our business. Especially for my kids that shared me with the business so often. Also, for my husband that lost some of his retirement on the construction expenses at the new space.  There has been a lot of loss around it and I have cried quite a few tears.

At the same time, there has been so much goodness.  The kindness that so many sewed into my heart as they were a part of our business has left an impact on my life.  Seeing the depths of my husbands love through his countless acts of service in helping me with the business fills me with confidence in his genuine love for me.

The many employees that I came to know through the years touched my life in so many ways as I grew to know them and learned their stories.  Each one different and so many of them deeply painful.  Some employees left on good terms and others left on bad terms.  Some were incredibly loyal while others were manipulative to levels I never would have excepted in a small business environment.

All of these woman and their unique stories left a deep imprint on my heart.  A heart that has been forever changed by their presence in my life. I will never be the same for knowing any of them.  I am so glad each one was in my life and in my children’s lives.

Most importantly, the daily dependence on God that owning a small business required in my life has forever impacted my life.  I watched Him open doors and close others when I wasn’t sure which direction to take.  When I had a stroke in 2019 He had already been leading me to teach my daily tasks to those working with me. So, after the stroke they picked up the reigns and kept the business running through our busiest time of year.

Most importantly there wasn’t a time payroll was not met.  So many times I feared I would not be able to make payroll, but time and time again the sales would poor in in just the nick of time for payroll to be paid.  Through the entire last year of the business in the high rent location, He provided the online sales to support the high rent (when the walk in traffic was not) and to pay my employees.

However, at times it would be extremely hard to make payroll and pay the rent.  By the end of April I was overdue for March and April rent. At the beginning of April I was in tears crying out to God about the rent.  I really felt in my spirit that He was telling me that by the end of the month it would all be taken care of and to be at peace.

I took this to mean I would have an overflow of sales.  This was easy to have faith for because March and April are typically my second busiest time of the year with graduation bow sales.  However, this year was slowest it has ever been for graduation sales (except 2020). When the month was about to end and I still didn’t have the funds to pay rent my faith took a really big hit.

It was the most stressful time I have experienced in my faith.  It was even more stressful then after the stroke.  My faith had been rocked to its core because I thought I was following God’s leading when I moved to the new location.  I truly believed I had heard His voice telling me it would all be taken care of by the end of the month.

Then on the 27th of the month the owner reached out to me on text about the past due rent.  We made plans to speak on the phone the next day.  I had never spoken to this owner directly. I did not know what I was going to say other than telling her the truth about why I was late. I prayed, my husband prayed, and several friends prayed for that phone call.  Up to that point I was completely unaware of what my next move should be.  I was completely unable to trust my judgement at all because I felt like I couldn’t hear God.  If I did think I heard God I felt I could not longer trust that it was God actually speaking to me.

During the phone call the owner released me from my lease and offered to apply my deposit towards the March rent that was overdue.  She told me she would prorate the remaining rent for however many days I remained open in May.  I knew instantly what needed to be done.  God flung the exit door open so wide that I knew it has to be God’s hand on the situation.

I struggled for a short while after that over the decision to move or close the business (I talked about that a little bit in my final live that you can see here), but once the decision was made I told everyone the news. After that announcement the sales came pouring in.  The response was overwhelming.  It was more sales than our best black Friday event.  I was able to completely pay the rent, my employees final paychecks, and a small loan I had taken out in February.  Everything DID work out by the end of the month, but not in the way I expected.